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Post by LadyintheShadows on May 1, 2005 17:45:18 GMT -5
Some things happen that you want to And then they change into things that change you What do you do when you can't understand? What do you do when your head is stuck in the sand? What do you do when you feel like a stranger? And then you feel like you might be a danger I feel like a stranger to myself Like I've added a new book to my full shelf I don't know how to act or feel I don't know if this is even real Words didn't even have to be said For me to wish now that I was dead  |
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Post by JAGuar on May 1, 2005 19:51:58 GMT -5
Despite it being overly cliche, I really appreciated this piece. Nice choice of words and it flowed really smoothly. You might want to work on the imagery a bit more though. It just seemed like words. This could be improved by just adding extra punctuation marks. That's just a start though, don't by any means think that'll fix everything.
I also like the whole rythmic pattern behind it. You've used a rhyme scheme which really does help to improve the flow in my opinion. Great work.
I'll give this one a 7 because it was well thought out but didn't have the inspiration required backing it.
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Post by Member26 on May 2, 2005 7:17:29 GMT -5
wow, you seem really sad. this is self-evident by the added at the end of your post. i hope you don't really feel this stuff and that you are just typing these poems for the pure creativity of it. |
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Post by LadyintheShadows on May 2, 2005 15:25:43 GMT -5
Jag,
I think, my dear friend, that you are failing to understand the whole meaning of this piece. I am glad that you liked it, though. What I think one of your problems is, is that you read a poem and interpret and critique it without fully understanding it. What do you mean by overly cliche? Anyways. Thanks for the rating.
Member26,
Actually, I was very sad when I wrote this poem. And I did really think some of those things. But, I was being creative, too. I was finding an interesting path to venting my feelings.
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Post by JAGuar on May 2, 2005 15:45:00 GMT -5
I don't see how you could "think that I misinterpreted it" when I haven't told you what I thought it was. By cliche I mean the whole depressive vision that most teenagers incorporate into their poems.
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Post by Maddik on May 3, 2005 13:13:20 GMT -5
Yes that is cliche, isn't it?
Anyway Jag, why'd you have to be so frustratingly blunt with her? That doesn't seem like you.
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Post by LadyintheShadows on May 3, 2005 15:12:38 GMT -5
Because Jag and I know each other. Fine, Jag, tell me what you thought it was. I am really interested to know. You always tell me that you are open and honest about things, so be open and honest with me about this. Your opinion matters, and I really want to know. As to the whole cliche thing, well, maybe it is...but that should be besides the point. Did you ever stop to consider that no matter how cliche it might be, I might actually mean what I said???
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Post by JAGuar on May 3, 2005 15:47:52 GMT -5
I at no point judged you for the poem being "cliche" in fact, I looked past the whole thing to read it. I have no definite view point of it, and that's suppose to be the point of art, you can look at it from many different points of view, but if you want to know what the cliche leads me to believe?
She lost someone she loved and she misses him, causing her to go into a deep depression.
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Post by LadyintheShadows on May 5, 2005 9:57:41 GMT -5
Huh. An interesting way to interpret it. It's not entirely far from the truth. But I haven't lost anyone or anything like that. Actually, the story behind htis particular poem is actually rather complicated. Anyways. Thanks for posting and everything.
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